somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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