Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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