3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
