Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
