i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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