U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
