i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
