I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
