I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize