It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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