We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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