just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
