omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
