i jhust puked up my retainher.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
