I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
