Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
