all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
