So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
