well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
