I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
