Someone shit on the floor
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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