my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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