her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have fence marks all over my body
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
