I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
