We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize