Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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