He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize