I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
