Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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