U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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