How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
