ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I cut my penus on the lid.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
