I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
