areolas are like halos for boobs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
