When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wish my penis had a tongue
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
