I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
