Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
