I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
