If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
