You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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