I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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