Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
