saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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