I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i think im in europe. pls send help
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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