What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
