Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
