Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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