i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
