If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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