my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
