Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
