I hate all girls vehemently.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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