That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
