but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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