i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
false alarm, still single
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
