Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
