just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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