Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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