I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
