I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Bring me that man meat
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
