clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
