I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
