My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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