I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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