I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
