my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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