Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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