Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
3pm strippers are depressing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
