I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
