im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
