how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
