I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
