I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
