Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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