Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
